Ass Over Teakettle
Pratfalling down the income ladder.
About two years ago I got downsized from my job as a middling design guy at a big company. I was told it was a financial decision, not a reflection of my performance. I have come to understand that while I was one of the lowest paid people on my team, as a then 46 year old dude my insurance was a significant expense to the company and would only grow over time. Not that I have been told this from anyone who would know, but for lack of data this seems the most plausible (less conspiratorial) excuse. I spent a year sending out hundreds of resumes, updating, altering, and adding flair to my Linkedin. I tried recruiters, temp agencies, pleading, negging, and otherwise trying to hustle my way out of insolvency.
I could have just as well been playing a game with the controller disconnected like some mouth breathing 5 year old, pleased with the effort but not affecting outcomes one bit. In that whole time I actually spoke to a person about a job twice via email. The bulk of the replies were automated so far as I can tell, and they were pretty uniform;
“Thank you for your interest, but it’s a hard pass for us.”
~Uncle Applicant Tracking System
The Row to Hoe, Ho, Ho: $20 is $20.
About a year ago someone offered me work driving a plow truck. Delighted to just make money of any amount I jumped at it. I love me some plow work, and hopefully can do it again this year.
Around that time I wrote a post on this here substack. A good number of people read it, which was pretty shocking and embarrassingly uplifting. I tried to keep posting things I thought were interesting, in between overnight shifts clearing up the sky dander from portions of southwest Michigan.
It was a good distraction, but as things went along I felt less and less like writing the words and making the doodles. While plow work kept me floating, land was nowhere in sight. I did grunt work where I could get it, mostly for cash, usually something like $20 an hour. I even got some contract design work from time to time. It wasn’t keeping my head above water, but it gave me a snorkel while floating in the deep. Summer brought more of that. It went from cleaning, to busting concrete, to flooring, to more cleaning, to digging of various sorts, carrying heavy stuff, and more cleaning.
None of it was going to get me out, but it gave me something to do to avoid the oncoming ottoman of doom sitting in the living room of financial ruin. I started poking at friends, leveraging any remaining work / social connections. I walked into joints and tried to convince them that while I understand that I HAVE to apply through their HR Department online, or through a temping agency, I would not make it through that filter. They talked to me, seemed as positive as they could be, and yet when I followed the prescribed channels, well no means no.
My landlords did their level best to keep me housed. But after several “It looks like I have a job” moments that vanished, they eventually had to let me go. Two months behind, and climbing they gave me as much slack as they could. However, the ottoman found me and the embarrassing journey to the floor began, canned laughter ensued.
I managed to shoe horn all my belongings into a 10x15 storage container around the corner from me. A neighbor let me store my truck, which I tried to get running but ran out of resources (why are batteries $200 now?). My uninsured, untagged, barely operating barbie-mobile Ford Escape would have to limp itself over to my sister’s house. It was given an abandoned vehicle sticker within 24 hours. So I put it next to her driveway, and currently have fingers crossed it will be there when next I can check. Though to be fair, the only thing of value is the unopened package of beef jerky in the console, and 3lb mini-sledge in the back I use for adjustments to things that need adjusting.
I slept at my sister’s for a couple days, then a buddy let me crash at a house he owned which is empty, and that is where I currently reside for the next 10 days or so. It has heat, internet, and a beautiful view of a river. My sister hooked me up with some groceries to take with, so I am sort of camping in a house. Not bad.
Today is the first snow of the year and as I stared out into the fluff, watching the river flow I thought maybe I could write something since I had nothing else to do on this Sunday afternoon. So here we are.
I have no real idea what is next. I will say my friends, and strangers have been helpful and kind to me in ways that warm the cockles. If you are looking for some kind of silver with which to line this cloud, that would prolly be it. Though I do have a half bottle of my favorite whiskey and a respectable collection of cigars, both of which I will utilize as needed.
As I look back over what I wrote above, there is no way I would want to read it for leisure. This isn’t the kind of aspirational, hero’s journey one finds compelling after all. I am not alone in this boat, so maybe that is why I am writing it. I have spoken to a lot of folks out there that don’t have work. Whether it is people amongst the laptop class as I once was, or those on the front lines huffin’ and puffin’ where I am currently navigating, everyone is having a time of it or seeing the ottoman on the horizon in one form or another eyeing their shins with malice.
So maybe we try that. Are you currently experiencing the euphemistic “houselessness” or find that your funds are “grossly insufficient”? Do you got a buddy who is in the same fix? There are like 70 of you out there still connected to this mess after this long of a time without posting, so maybe you have some thoughts. I will be down there in the comments like its my job. Controller or no, I am playing along. Commissar of Commiseration at your service!
